“Do not be afraid to be seen trying.” -Ayca Anil

Alex jogs towards an aerial hoop, off to try something.

I don’t know who originally said this. Ayca Anil is who I first heard it from, so I’m quoting her. It’s a reminder I need daily.

Trying is scary, I think because it feels so vulnerable to be new at something. I think we’ve all been there. For me it’s the feeling of wanting to succeed but being afraid of failure that stands out the most when I read this quote. You’d think more than a decade in circus would have stamped that feeling out by now. All the trying and failing at new skills should make me immune shouldn’t it?? It hasn’t. I still get that urge to apologise when I’m not perfect at something the first time I do it. Do you?

We don’t have that as small children. Think about it, were you self aware enough to be ashamed the first time you tried walking and couldn’t do it? It seems to be something we learn as we grow up and become aware of ourselves, others, and social relationship. I think that stunts our learning, and stunts our joy. It stops us from pursuing the things that would truly make us shine.

I’m reading a book right now (Financial Feminist by Tory Dunlap) which has a section on shame by Alexis Rockley. I think she really hits the nail on the head when she says ‘Shame is a social, fear-based, universal emotion—something that all of us experience regularly…(Shame) serves a crucial evolutionary purpose: to keep us alive and in relationship with others.” It’s that shame of not being perfect that makes it scary for us to try. That feeling of “will they still like me/approve of me if I can’t do this perfectly?”. I see this regularly in my students as well as myself. It’s our sense of security and the culture in our communities that can make trying either easier or excruciatingly hard to do.

I strive to create an environment, both for myself and when I’m coaching, in which failure can be seen as information that helps us learn and grow. If we do something the ‘wrong’ way we find out what doesn’t work for us. This can get us closer to what does work. In creative movement, sometimes this beautiful thing happens where failing at one thing turns into something completely new and unique to us. A success in a different way.

If you’re struggling with fears of judgement around trying something new I find it helpful to write about my experience, or record myself doing the thing if it’s a physical movement (like aerials). This enables me to separate my fears from what is actually happening. If it’s a video of my movements I can find the beautiful images in the effort of doing the thing and identify what I might want to explore further. This helps me cultivate generosity towards myself, which helps me not judge myself for being less than perfect. I’m also sometimes able to identify the why behind my feelings.

For example, if I don’t want to post something on instagram asking myself why I don’t want to post it sometimes makes me realise I’m worrying about what other people think rather than experiencing the thing that felt good, or brought me joy. This is especially the case in aerials. Often I feel joy when doing the thing only to look at a video later and notice all the less than perfect things about it and talk myself out of posting it. If this is something you experience try the following journal prompts.

The other thing that helps me with ‘being okay to be seen trying’ is spending less time consuming the content that other people are posting, and/or, prioritising consuming content that is from creators who are also okay with being seen as less than perfect. Spending time and energy on trying things rather than consuming things is itself an antidote to the fear of being seen trying.

So here it is. My anthem for 2024. “Do not be afraid to be seen trying.”

For me it means more than just the words written here. It means letting go of shame around being less than perfect. It means allowing myself to make mistakes and learn from them. It means trusting that my community will embrace me with my imperfections. It means being generous and kind to myself and the people around me.

Journal Prompts:

What am I feeling in my body when I think about _______? (physical sensations ie. butterflies in my stomach)

Can I identify any emotions I’m feeling?

What are the circumstances that made me feel this way? (just the facts, without my interpretations)

What outcomes could happen if I take the action I’m contemplating? (list all positive and negative outcomes)

Usually by the time I’ve gone through these prompts I have more of an idea of what the actual situation is and what stories my mind is telling me about the situation. Identifying the feelings in my body can help me recognise what emotions I’m feeling, and help me breathe through them. Writing out all the possible outcomes of a given situation helps me realise when I’m catastrophizing (assuming the worst possible things will happen). Having a list of the best possible outcomes next to the worst also helps me feel more optimistic about whatever I have going on. They may or may not work for you, and they’re not in any way mental health advice, they’re just a tool that I find useful.